RL001 Overcome your fear of public speaking
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[00:00:00] Do you feel like you've got a message but you just can't get it out? Maybe you've got a business presentation to do but are gripped with fear? Do you turn down opportunities to speak? Do you procrastinate when you need to prepare? That is my story. Since I can remember, I was terrified of public [00:00:15] speaking before any time when I knew I had to speak, I'd have this growing fear of dread in the days before.
I would feel sick. I would lose sleep. I would write it. I would rewrite it and I'd over prepare. And then the event would come and I would feel all that along with shaking, sweating, foggy brain. While [00:00:30] I was up there, I was speaking and my face and neck would be bright red. I sweated, I shook my way through it.
And afterwards I was a total mess. I ran through everything that I'd done wrong, had this horrible fear of finding out what people thought of me. Fast forward 25 years and now [00:00:45] I speak regularly in front of hundreds of people. Overcoming your fear of public speaking is possible and I'm going to show you how.[00:01:00]
Welcome to the Raw Leader. My name is Simon Holley. My aim is for you to get your message out by helping you to speak, write, coach and lead with less stress, more [00:01:15] clarity and greater impact. Thank you for joining me today. And today we are speaking about overcoming your fear of public speaking. Is it possible?
I believe it is. And I want to But before we get on to that, have you seen my guide for dismantling imposter syndrome? It's a [00:01:30] guide I put together after having so many conversations over the years with speakers and authors and leaders of all shapes and sizes. I've got these internal roadblocks and very often it came down to this issue of, uh, uh, of imposter syndrome.
So you can get it for yourself for [00:01:45] free at therawleader. com forward slash imposter. Download it there. I hope it helps you. So you can overcome your fear of public speaking. I want to show you how. The first thing you've got to decide though is why not just avoid it together? Why not just run from it? I asked [00:02:00] myself the same question and I tried for many years.
I avoided public speaking as much as possible. But there were still times where I knew that I would be ducking my calling to not step up and speak. There were business presentations I had to do, there was speaking [00:02:15] in groups in other settings. I just had to do it. I couldn't speak, and yet, and I hated speaking, and yet I had to.
Something compelled me on. You know, it's a common belief that fear is insurmountable, that it will be forever with you, that your ability [00:02:30] to To speak and write with confidence will always be hindered by this fear. And I know that feeling, the trembling hands, the racing heart, it is paralyzing. But the truth is you can overcome.
that gripping fear. And you've got to change three things though. [00:02:45] Three things that need to change. And the first thing is, you've got to change your beliefs. You've got to believe that it's possible. You've got to believe that you can overcome this fear. The belief and the, and acknowledging that while it might feel impossible, [00:03:00] it isn't, is foundational.
Fear stems from the unknown, from the anticipation of what might go wrong. Once you confront that fear head on, you'll find it starts to lose its power. You've got to identify the belief. So that you have about your purpose. [00:03:15] Identifying the purpose behind your message gives it weight and meaning. Ask yourself, why does my message matter?
Who can it impact? What difference can it make? When your why becomes more potent than your fear, you unlock a newfound courage. [00:03:30] Why are you doing this? Why do you want to speak? When that drives you forward, when that becomes greater than your fear, something changes on the inside, because you know you're doing this for a reason.
You can't duck it. You've got to speak, even though you can't stand it at the beginning, even though you're terrified of it, [00:03:45] you know that you've got to. That, that why will drive you forward. The third thing is the belief about the outcome. When fear takes hold, it is easy to focus on the initial, you discomfort, the nervousness at the beginning of the presentation, [00:04:00] the struggle to start writing and preparing it.
But if you shift your focus to the end result, that can be a game changer. I found that pushing through fear, focusing on the impact I was having, ignoring the horrible, uh, side effects made a significant difference. [00:04:15] Looking at the end rather than the beginning. Yeah, it feels vulnerable at the beginning, but it's the end that's important.
You know, one of the most significant turning points for me on my journey was realizing that my message was more important than my fear. I was speaking at a student union about a particular plan that I had, [00:04:30] and I'd spent the usual days in agony. And when I was up there speaking, it was just horrible. I had all the usual side effects.
My mind thought it was going terribly. But the next day, over 50 students turned up at something that I'd, um, uh, encouraged them to, to [00:04:45] buy into. And together we began to enact my plan. And I realized, you know what? They weren't focused on the things I was focused on. They were focused on what I was saying and they bought in.
The second thing you've got to change comes from this. I don't know [00:05:00] if you've ever watched a magic trick. If you have, you'll understand the power of distraction. You think that you're looking at a hat, on a magician's head with a rabbit in it, but the magician has already distracted you. You kind of know deep down the rabbit's not in there anymore, but you think it [00:05:15] is.
Part of your brain thinks it is, part of your brain knows it isn't, part of your brain knows that rabbit is probably in his coat pocket or somewhere else. And you know what? You can use the same tactic that the fear of public speaking comes because we think people are focused on us. [00:05:30] You could probably happily sit in a room of 500 people.
The problem comes as soon as all the eyes turn to you. You become self conscious, focused on yourself, how you look, how you sound, what you're saying. So one of the things that's got to [00:05:45] change when you change, when you overcome public speaking is to change your focus, to change your focus onto something other than you, to focus on helping people.
Ultimate, ultimately to communicate is to lead and to lead means you've got to [00:06:00] have a purpose. So if your goals serve a purpose that helps people, people will see that, they'll rise to it, no matter what the messenger looks like. Think about what group is the most self conscious about how they look and how others look.
It's got to be teenagers, isn't it? When you're, when we're in our [00:06:15] teenage years, we are the most self conscious. Yet, who is the guy who inspires millions of teens around the world? Nick Vujicic. Born without arms and legs, Nick has faced incredible challenges. Yet he tours the world [00:06:30] speaking to teenagers, inspiring them to overcome adversity.
So this is the second change. The second change that has to happen if you're going to overcome your fear of public speaking is your focus. The first thing is you've got to focus on your audience, [00:06:45] whether you're speaking or writing, actually this applies. Understanding your audience is crucial. What do they need to hear?
How can your message benefit them? By focusing on meeting the needs of others, you naturally divert your own attention away from [00:07:00] yourself. What are these people trying to achieve? What's getting in their way? Where are they stuck? How can I help them? If it's appropriate, even ask questions as part of your presentation.
Questions are such a powerful way to build connection and authority. for listening. People love to listen to those who've taken the time to understand them, [00:07:15] whether it's before the event or during it, or even after. Find out about your audience. Change your focus from you onto your audience. And secondly, focus on their goals.
Your audience fundamentally is more focused on their goals than [00:07:30] they are on you. That is a shock. I know it's true. That's a shock. It was a shock to me. But if you think about a speaker that you've heard that didn't have the most polished presentation or an author you've read that didn't use the most eloquent language, did, did that distract it?
What? It depends, doesn't it? There is a [00:07:45] level of competence below which it does become a distraction. A speaker who can't keep their train of thought or an author whose work is full of grammatical errors, you're going to struggle, but there's a, there's a bar above that level, uh, above a certain level that the content is [00:08:00] far, far more important.
Sure. The packaging helps. You can always improve it. But it's the content and how that content helps you achieve what you're wanting to achieve that's the defining factor. You know, I remember doing a business presentation years ago and I was [00:08:15] early days of learning to public speak. I was shaking, I was red in the face, I was sweating as I gave the presentation.
And then I took questions from the team, the exact team of the company. But at the end of the meeting, my, my plan was approved. And afterwards, people [00:08:30] congratulated me. All the way through, I've been focused on my appearance, my shaking voice, what they thought of me. But they were focused on how my proposal stacked up to help the business.
The underpinning logic that held it together. Would it help the business? And by connection, would it help them? That was their [00:08:45] focus. They were focused on a totally different thing to me. The third thing about focus is recognizing that, that your audience is human too. Empathy builds connection. They appreciate authenticity and vulnerability.
Depending [00:09:00] on the context, sharing your struggles, sharing your triumph can connect, can create a context that of connection that trans transcends the fear barrier. Empathy not only builds rapport, but also boosts your confidence as you realize you're not alone on your journey. [00:09:15] I was, I was recently, um, listening to someone speak for the first time.
In front of hundreds of people and they, they stood up to speak and they were clearly, you know, super nervous. Um, and they put their notes down on the lectin with shaking [00:09:30] hands. And, and, and interestingly, the first thing they said was, I'm very nervous. Now, that's not appropriate to say in every setting I know, but in this context it worked brilliantly because immediately there was empathy in the room.
Immediately the, the audience who, to be honest, probably were feeling that. I'm glad it's you rather than [00:09:45] me, immediately felt connected to them. You could feel the room warm to them and they went on to tell a powerful story. So while that level of openness isn't always appropriate in every setting, talking from the heart, connecting empathetically with your audience is so, so foundational to [00:10:00] changing your focus and overcoming your fear of public speaking.
The third change comes from this. Look, no baby learned to walk without falling over. There's not many cyclists who learn to ride their bike without falling off at least [00:10:15] once. To learn to speak is to learn to fall. It's just the same as these other things. How do you fall less hard? Well, just like you would not teach a baby to walk in a room full of broken glass.
You put down a rug, don't you? You have a padded carpet. You [00:10:30] encourage them to walk in a safe environment. So the third, the third change I would encourage you if you're learning to overcome your fear of public speaking is to change your next step. Change your next step. And here's three next steps which I think [00:10:45] are foundational to learn to public speak.
The first is to learn to tell a story. Start small. Stories are the foundation of all great communication, whether it's writing or speaking. So learn to tell a great story. I was a terrible storyteller. [00:11:00] When we were first married, my wife and I used to joke, maybe it was more me joking, but anyway, she and I used to uh, have a joke, which was that Caroline could tell a story that took longer to tell than the events that it was about, [00:11:15] because she would say things like, you know, uh, and then he's, he was thinking this, and I was thinking this, and she would thought that, and she would, so it can take a longer to tell a story with all the ancillary details, whereas for me, I could sum up a whole day in three words, it was all right, you know.
It's like [00:11:30] we were complete opposites. We've had to learn to draw towards the middle. And so one of the things I learned when I was beginning to learn to public speak was that my storytelling had to improve. And so I began to analyze great storytellers, comedians and others who [00:11:45] inspired me. I began to practice telling stories.
I began to observe the results first around the dinner table, then at the pub. I mean, honestly, in many cases, I was terrified. I wanted to keep my mouth shut. But actually the results transformed not only my public speaking, but also [00:12:00] my connection with people and my ability to write and speak in many different contexts.
I've been changed by learning that, that, I think it was over a year that I did this, that that year transformed my ability to connect with others and also to engage with public speaking, to overcome my fear of public [00:12:15] speaking. The second step I would encourage you is to learn to write an outline.
I always encourage new speakers and authors to first learn to outline. The outline is the backbone, it's the skeleton of any written or spoken communication. Without it, the whole [00:12:30] thing is just like a lump of jelly. It's possibly tasty, but it is hard to build anything with. Learn to outline your message and then learn to shape, uh, the introduction, the conclusion.
It's so foundational. And you can check out episode three, uh, on this pod, on [00:12:45] this podcast or on YouTube. Three steps to create a killer outline. You can get it on my website, therawleader. com forward slash blog forward slash 003. Um, yeah, check it out there. I think you'll find that a helpful resource if you've never really learned the art of outlining.
And the third step is [00:13:00] to find a coach. You know, finding a great coach is one way to accelerate your journey to overcome your fear of public speaking. I have benefited from several coaches over the years, the time, the frustration it saves. You just, you just can't do it another quicker way. Leaders are primarily [00:13:15] learners.
And before, before they are teachers is admitting that you need coaching. So one of the first steps to becoming a great leader who can speak and write with impact is to find coaches, to ask others who you feel inspire you to [00:13:30] coach, to coach you. So thanks so much for listening. I hope that was encouraging.
Take a look at my three steps, um, to dismantling imposter syndrome. Uh, there is an absolute journey here. I recognize that. And it is a cliche to say this, but embrace the [00:13:45] journey. This process of overcoming your fear of public speaking is a journey, but you've got this message deep inside. Finding the unique way that you can get it out is going to be key.
I'm so. So glad that I stopped running from public [00:14:00] speaking and took the hard road of learning. Over the years it has been amazing to have so many people tell me that I've been able to inspire them on their journey, even when I'm often red in the face or sweating still. Do you know what? Actually it doesn't matter.
The main thing that matters is I've got a [00:14:15] message and I'm getting it out. I promised you proof that it's possible and I am the proof. The guy that could barely say a word in a public setting has spoken in front of hundreds and thousands of people time and time again, over 25 years. I hope you enjoyed the video.
Leave us a comment if you're watching on [00:14:30] YouTube, if you're on the podcast, therawlleader. com and get in touch. Thanks so much for [00:14:45] listening.
