Do you feel you’ve got a message but can’t get it out? Do you have a business presentation to give but are gripped with fear? Do you turn down opportunities to speak and procrastinate when you need to write?

That’s my story. Ever since I can remember I was terrified of public speaking. Before any opportunity, especially public speaking, I would have a growing feeling of dread in the preceding days. I would feel sick. I would lose sleep. I would write and re-write.

Then the event would come and I would feel all of that along with shaking, sweating and foggy brain. Speaking would cause my face and neck to redden as I perspired and trembled. Afterwards, I was in a mess. Dolefully running through all of the mistakes I had made and gripped with the fear of finding out what people thought of me.

Writing wasn’t much better. There wasn’t the fear of standing in front of people, but there was still the challenge of the nagging thought that I had nothing really important to say that anyone would care to listen to.

Why not avoid it all together, you might ask. I wondered the same! And I avoided it as much as was possible. But there were still times where I knew I would have been ducking my calling to not step up. There were business presentations I just had to give. I couldn’t speak - and yet I had to!

Fast forward 25 years and I now speak regularly in front of hundreds of people and have occasionally spoken in front of thousands. I’ve written books and blogs and articles and been on many podcasts and stages. It’s been quite a journey and I’ve learned a few things that I’d love to share with other leaders or potential leaders who were exactly as I was - compelled to speak or write but either unsure or fearful of how to move forward.

You can overcome the gripping fear

It’s a common belief that fear is insurmountable, that it will forever hinder our ability to speak and write with confidence. I know this feeling all too well. The trembling hands, the racing heart - it’s paralysing. However you can overcome this gripping fear.

a/ Facing the Impossible

The first step is acknowledging that, while it may feel impossible, it’s not. Fear often stems from the unknown, from the anticipation of what might go wrong. Once you confront this fear head-on, you’ll find that it loses its power.

b/ Discovering Your Why

Identifying the purpose behind your message gives it weight and meaning. Ask yourself why your message matters, who it can impact, and how it can make a difference. When your “why” becomes more potent than your fear, you unlock a newfound courage.

c/ You’ve got to look to the end rather than the beginning

When fear takes hold, it’s easy to focus on the initial discomfort, the nervousness at the beginning of a presentation, or the struggle to write. However, shifting your focus to the result can be a significant change. I found that pushing through the fear, focussing on the impact I was having and ignoring the horrible negative side effects made a significant difference.

One of the most significant turning points in my journey was when realised that my message was more important than my fear. I was speaking at the student union about a particular plan that I had. I’d spent days in the usual agony, but I knew I had to say something. In my mind, it went horribly with all the usual symptoms and side effects. But the next day, over 50 students turned up at a special meeting I’d called and together we enacted my plan. That event helped me to shift my focus from the agony of the now to the result.

Focus on helping people

The second key I’ve found is to focus on who you’re helping and where you're taking them. Ultimately, to communicate is to lead and a leader must have a purpose. If your goals are selfish, people will realise that and it won’t matter how powerful your written or spoken words. But if your goals serve a purpose that helps people, people will see that and rise to it, no matter how flawed the messenger is .

a/ Connect with Your Audience

Whether you’re speaking or writing, understanding your audience is crucial. What do they need to hear? How can your message benefit them? By focusing on meeting the needs of others, you naturally divert your own attention away from your insecurities. Learn to ask significant questions. Probe for understanding. What are people trying to achieve? What’s getting in the way? Where are they stuck? Questions are a powerful way to build connection and authority. People love to listen to those who’ve taken the time to understand them.

b/ Your audience is mostly focused on their goals.

Your audience focuses more on their goals than on you! That’s a shock, I know, but it’s true. Think about a speaker you’ve heard that did not have the most polished presentation, or an author you’re reading who didn’t use the most eloquent language. Did that distract? It depends. There’s a level of competence below which it becomes a distraction. A speaker who can’t keep their train or thought or an author whose work is full of grammatical errors is going to struggle. But anything above that level, the content is far, far more important than the packaging. Sure, the packaging helps, and you can always improve it, but the defining factor is the content and how it helps you achieve your goals.

During one business presentation I was shaking, red in the face and sweating as I gave the presentation and then took questions from the exec team. However, at the end of the meeting, they approved my plan. Afterwards, people congratulated me. While I was focused on my appearance and shaking voice, they were focused on evaluating how my proposal would benefit the business and the underlying logic that supported it. Would it help the business and, by connection, help them? That was their focus.

c/ Empathy Builds Confidence

Recognise that your audience is human too. They appreciate authenticity and vulnerability. Depending on the context, sharing your struggles and triumphs can create a connection that transcends the fear barrier. Empathy not only builds rapport but also boosts your confidence as you realise you’re not alone in your journey.

I was recently listening to someone speak for the first time in front of hundreds of people. They stood up to speak a placed their notes down on the lectern with shaking hands. “I’m very nervous,” they said. Immediately, you could feel the room warm to them as they told their powerful life story. While that level of openness is not appropriate for every setting, talking from the heart is rarely a bad idea.

Take small steps

a/ Learn to tell a story

Start small. Stories are the foundation of all great communication - whether writing or speaking. So learn to tell a great story! I was a terrible storyteller. When we were first married, it used to be a joke between my wife and I that she would take longer to tell the story of an event that happened than it took to live the event itself! I was the opposite. I could sum up an entire day with ‘it was ok’!

But I analysed talented storytellers. Comedians and others who inspired me. I practised telling stories and observing the results. First, round the table and then with small groups of friends. The results have transformed my connection with people and my ability to write and speak with impact.

b/ Learn to write an outline

I always encourage new speakers and authors to first learn to outline. The outline is the backbone, the skeleton, of any written or spoken communication. Without it, the whole thing is just like a lump of jelly. Possibly tasty but very hard to build anything with! Learning to outline your message with three simple points, each with a few sub points and then how to shape and introduction and conclusion is absolutely foundational.

c/ Find a coach

I would say this (!) but finding a great coach is one way to speed up your journey. I’ve benefited from several coaches over the years, and it is impossible to quantify the time and frustration they have saved me. Leaders are primarily learners before they are teachers and admitting that you need coaching is the first step to becoming a leader who can write or speak with impact!

Look at my ‘3 Step guide to dismantling imposter syndrome’

If you’d like to find out more, then contact me and we can chat about how I might help.

Embrace the Journey

Remember that the process is as important as the outcome. You’ve got a message deep inside - the journey is finding the unique way that you can get it out!

Prefer to listen? Check out the podcast (which also has a full transcript).

Enjoy!